through the looking glass.

the rumors are true.

2009-05-09T21:40:00.000-07:00

jhook has left the building.

but don't worry little friends, i have just entered a new one.

http://shesmakingwaves.wordpress.com

you need to check it out. all the pages. it is LEGIT!

there is a possiblity...

2009-05-08T13:33:00.000-07:00

that i will be moving this blog to a wordpress blog instead. i really like the interface there and i'm going to test it out today and will let you know by tonight/tomorrow if i will be moving to a new blog. =)

MIA

2009-04-27T11:51:00.000-07:00

so, i've been MIA on this blog for a few weeks now, and it feels strange. i haven't written because i don't feel inspired TO write lately. this makes me both sad and nervous. sad because maybe my life is super boring and there is nothing to tell. nervous because the calm always comes before the storm. if something big is going to happen in my life anytime in the future, i'm pretty sure that something is coming VERY soon. my life has seemed pretty calm lately with no big events at all...something is coming. should i be scared and run from the something? is it bad and going to turn my life upside down and backwards? is it a great thing that is going to change my life for the better? is it anything at all?

in other news, many things are just around the corner (maybe the storm?). graduation is in june, zimbabwe is in july, fuel is for the summer...mixed into all this is the internship, looking for another job, moving back to bakersfield once i get back from zimbabwe. goodness, maybe God is just giving me a little break (a calming) before the crazy summer eropts (the storm).

well, enough about me, lets talk about you. what have you been up to lately? is your life going through a calm period, or are you in the middle of storm? tell me, won't you?

comment or email (clarabell137@gmail.com)

mirror.

2009-04-17T12:19:00.000-07:00

for the first installment of my new blog series, i am going to write about the song mirror by barlowgirl. this song is amazing.

mirror, mirror on the wall, have i got it?
'cause mirror you've always told me who i am
i'm finding it's not easy to be perfect
so sorry you won't define me
sorry you don't own me

who are you to tell me that i'm less than what i should be?
who are you? who are you?
i don't need to listen to the list of things i should do
i won't try, i won't try

mirror i am seeing a new reflection
i'm looking into the eyes of He who made me
and to Him i have beauty beyond compare
i know He defines me

you don't define me, you don't define me

i really like this song for multiple reasons. as much as i hate to admit it, i completely care what other people think of me when it comes to ministry. i have been trying to be a cookie-cutter christian for a long time, trying to do what the church says i should do. not the church like in the bible, but the church as in the man-constructed institution. sometimes when i feel in my heart that i should do something, i feel held back because of what people will think. this song helps me remember that it isn't about what other people think and that i don't need to try to live up to what they say i need to be.

this song is also one that makes me think of the children in zimbabwe. there is a little girl who lives in one of the orphanages that alan and dorothy help who's mother named her no matter. she is just one example of thousands of children who are told from a young age that they don't matter. but alan and dorothy have renamed her precious because that is what she is to God. her mother tried to define her one way, but to God she is beauty beyond compare.

mirror i am seeing a new reflection...

more soul pancake.

2009-04-14T10:57:00.000-07:00

list five possible openings for your autobiography.

My life has always been complicated. From the time I literally fell down the stairs and teachers thought my parents beat me, to the time I beat myself up for not coming back sooner, and all the times in-between only one word could describe it: complicated.
I was the only child until age four, the eldest of two until age seventeen, and come high school graduation I was the middle of five AND the middle of four.
My high school drumline instructor told me my sophomore year “Don’t be the one who sucks the worst” and I’ve tried to live by his wise analogies ever since.
Someone once told me it doesn’t matter how fast or slow you go in life as long as you stay in your own lane. It took me years to understand what he meant, and by then it might have been too late.
I’ve never been great at communicating my inner-most thoughts, so I generally turn to music lyrics/famous quotes to get the point across: “I have these dreams in the back of my mind, but they never pan out unless I wake up and try.” My life is a story of dreams that I took way to long to wake up from.

Let me know what yours would be...please?

another week here and gone.

2009-04-13T09:33:00.000-07:00

the weekend that was: long. friday was spent with some best friends eating, laughing, and having fun. first was lunch with sarah and heather, then at the church with the ruffs, the twins, sav, kayloni, and the future browns, and i finished the night with CSI: and pizza with alisha. saturday started with the Easter egg hunt and ended with visiting my dad in the hospital. he's doing better, but much of the weekend was spent visiting with him. oh! and easter sunday with the fam at nan's house. our get-togethers are always fun.

where i am at the moment: in class. ready for june to get here already.

on my to-do list this week: writing more on here. some homework. and HILLSONG UNITED CONCERT on friday. =D

what God is teaching me: that friends are amazing. that he will work things out in the end.

book i’m in the midst of: stand by alex mcfarland (for the connection). the shack by wm. paul young (for myself).

music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: more "punk goes..." music and the newest anberlin cd.

next trip: to los angeles on saturday to visit the cousins.

how i’m feeling about this week: excited!

new idea.

2009-04-09T21:36:00.001-07:00

ok. i know it has been a while (based on my standards) since i have updated this thing. i have been really busy this week, and haven't had much time to get on the interwebs for a little blog post. while this isn't going to be a meaty post by any means, i am going to reveal a cool idea that came to light this week in the long hours that i spend laying awake before sleep sets in. i have realized how much i absolutely love music. for those of you who know me fairly well, you are saying "duh!" at this point, but let me continue. i love listening to music and the lyrics and painting a picture of how the thoughts, emotions, and life behind the music fits with me and my life in that very moment. this got me thinking, why don't i share my life in any given moment based on the lyrics of a song that is really touching me. so, for a little while at least, my post will be formatted accordingly. i will pick a "song of the day," if you will, and then explain how the deep parts of my life are related to that song. i won't be posting everyday, but when i do i will post in this way (and of course include a YouTube video or something to show the song as a whole instead of you only experiencing the lyrics of it).

let me know if you like the idea. i plan to start with a song or two this weekend and a full update come monday. =)

boring. i know.

2009-03-30T09:41:00.000-07:00

the weekend that was: relaxing. friday i had movie night with brian and jeanna and it was amazing. we watched transformers and twilight while eating way too much candy and popcorn. i left jeanna's after midnight causing me to not get home until around 1:30 in the morning. even the floor felt good at that hour! saturday i did hardly anything and ended the weekend with missions madness combined service at church and more nothing-ness.

where i am at the moment: super excited to finish school. super nervous to finish school. super excited to move to a new job. super nervous to have to find a new job.

on my to-do list this week: i need to write another "deeper look into my life" entry this week. also, i need to buy books for school and i start that back up on wednesday.

what God is teaching me: that friends are amazing. that he will work things out in the end.

book i’m in the midst of: stand by alex mcfarland (for the connection). the shack by wm. paul young (for myself).

music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: the second volume of "punk goes pop." it is awesome. august burns red screaming "...baby one more time" is worth the price of the cd all by itself.

next trip: ...?

how i’m feeling about this week: restless. excited. nervous. happy. awesome.

this is me. all of me.

2009-03-24T09:32:00.000-07:00

i've been asked to stop simply scratching the surface of my life within the pages of this blog, but to dive a little deeper into what is going on in my life. to be completely honest, showing what is going on deep inside of me is hard, even among some of my closest friends. it is easier for me to keep everything to myself. by keeping things locked away, i don't run the risk of looking stupid, being laughed at, or being put down for what i think/believe. i know, i know, i shouldn't let what other people think affect my actions. its something that i say to people on a normal basis, but i'm not really practicing it very well. i say that i don't care what other people think about me - which is true when it comes to looks or acting silly in public - but i do care what they think when it comes to the core of my faith and who i am on the inside.

but, i've decided to take a stand and come out of my little shell. i'm hoping this doesn't backfire. i am going to start sharing more about my life here on this blog. i'm warning you that it is going to be rough, possibly something you don't really want to be reading, but it is the real me. so, feel free to back away now and never look back...i will not be offended personally by your choice to stop interacting on the blog. but, if you do want to stick around and see what my life is really about, please read and share your thoughts on life through the comments.

here it goes. today. i'm trying to just live in the moment. when i start thinking too far in the future (or even looking too far into the past) i get a headache. i want to believe that God has this all held together, but more often then not i doubt that this is what my life is suppose to be about. i have felt called to ministry for over two years and called to be a youth pastor for almost eight months. most days, i feel strongly about this being exactly what i'm suppose to do. but then, there are days where i begin to question myself. i begin to wonder if i have the skills needed to take on a youth group by myself. working with kelly is easy; when the hard times come, i call him and he fixes the problem. could i handle situations like those on my own? is this God telling me to hold off? is this me second guessing? i really don't have a clue.

coming upon graduation makes me nervous. when i graduate, everything i have known my whole life is done. i've been going to school since september 1992 - nearly 17 years of my life devoted to education and come june, its gone. i've been working for chevron since june 2005 - four years of working the only job i've ever had and it, too, will be gone come june. i feel like i'm jumping out into this big unknown. part of me is really excited, and the other part is scared out of my mind. i'm sure this is normal, but is the second guessing me or is it God?

i would love to hear what you think. seriously, if you are reading this, please let me know. i'm beginning to feel like i'm all alone...

a new day has come (100 days until Zim).

2009-03-23T09:12:00.000-07:00

the weekend that was: long! we had an ADLA drumline competition in fontana this weekend. the drummers had to meet at the high school at five in the morning on saturday for a long day of driving, practicing, performing, eating, and hanging out. overall, the performance was good, but our place didn't really reflect that. the mall was so much fun in between performing and awards. i spent the four hours with jeff, ethan, tony, and andrew. they are a crazy bunch of boys, but it was so much fun. we ate, walked around and looked, ate some more, then went to the bass pro shop. seriously, it was like disneyland. you have to walk through the turnstiles to get into this place and there is a map and everything! we took pictures, played with archery things, did a shooting game. loads of fun. by the end of the day, we were so tired! i slept on the bus the whole way home. sunday was just normal. two services, lunch with mom and kevin, then tv and a nap.

where i am at the moment: at work. this week is spring break at school. thank goodness! i needed a break BAD.

on my to-do list this week: finishing stuff for the connection, a few little tasks at work, meeting with campus live people on wednesday. and i want to finish the shack this week.

what God is teaching me: that my friends are in my life for a reason. that my family is awesome. that He loves me more than i can ever fully understand.

book i’m in the midst of: stand by alex mcfarland (for the connection). the shack by wm. paul young (for myself). both are good. =)

music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: the cd colors by between the buried and me. this cd is possibly the greatest progressive cd i have ever heard. also listening to lorel's cd this week. i miss her lots.

next trip: not really sure. probably a trip to visit the cousins in la in the near future.

how i’m feeling about this week: restless. excited. relieved.

a picture is worth a thousand words.

2009-03-18T13:57:00.000-07:00

if you write it down, you are seven times more likely to achieve your goal.
this was a challenge set forth by both Soul Pancake.com and BeUnmuted.com, and it was a challenge i decided to actually do.

so, i wrote down something i wanted to do with my life. its in sharpie, on my hand, for the rest of the day and its something i now am going to be held to, which i am excited about.

what are you going to write down today?

Jesus in the wilderness.

2009-03-17T09:26:00.001-07:00

i saw this awesome video last week. it’s a beautiful and insightful collection of drawings (really, cartoons) representing the 40 days Jesus spent in the wilderness. (illustrations by a British illustrator named Simon Smith, and put to an Explosions In The Sky song). i really liked this depiction of Jesus, and i think that it is something we all need to be reminded of from time to time. sometimes we need to go out and get away from it all for a silent time of reflection with ourself and God. also, it reminds me that even Jesus went through struggles and it helps me know that I can overcome them. Let me know what you think of the video in the comments. =)

last week of the winter quarter.

2009-03-16T09:22:00.000-07:00

the weekend that was: fun. i went to the taft drumline competition on saturday at south high. the drummers played well (even with the major flub at the beginning of the show). and we were shocked when we went from last place out of six at the previous competition to third place out of seven at this one. and we were only like .8 points from first place. and then on sunday we had the grand opening of our church, and the sanctuary was nearly full! it was so awesome to see that many people coming together for such a big moment in our church's history. other than all of that, i just worked on my magazine feature story (my final paper for my feature writing class) and reading. all in all it was a relaxing weekend.

where i am at the moment: at work currently, but really just wanting to be anywhere else but here. i'm really excited about the weeks ahead, but i'm also trying to live in the moment more. its a balancing thing.

on my to-do list this week: finishing my last paper of the quarter, finishing the stuff for this week's connection.

what God is teaching me: that if i fully trust Him, He will not let me down.

book i’m in the midst of: stand by alex mcfarland (for the connection). looking for alaska by john green i just finished and it was amazing! such a great book. i totally almost cried in the middle, and the end. it was fantastic. i started reading the shack by wm. paul young, and it is super good already. so many people recommended that i read it, so i picked it up at costco yesterday.

music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: for some reason the song take a breath by the jonas brothers keeps coming into play. the lyrics are something i need to hear on a normal basis, so i really felt drawn to it this week.

next trip: not mexico =( we had to cancel our trip because of financial things. but its ok, we're going to still do some mission type work during spring break. as for my next trip...i'm hoping to go down to LA sometime soon-ish for a visit to the cousins and hopefully a small trip to sacramento to visit liz. as for times for these trips...tba.

how i’m feeling about this week: restless.

it's just amburgers and wootbeer, okay?

2009-03-13T10:01:00.000-07:00

This video will make you smile, promise. I thought about it last week, and decided to post the video here. It brought me back to watching all those random videos with Josh, Crystal, and Jenn out at Aunt Neece's house so many years ago. Enjoy =)

random night.

2009-03-10T22:34:00.000-07:00

i'm sitting here in good ol' taft. jeff and i are taking an IQ test online while listening to some music that his band recorded a few weeks ago. tonight has been pretty awesome. it started with drumline and then a murble run. followed by my dawn defeo interview for the final paper in feature writing and some other writing on my intercultural communications paper. all in all, very productive.

tonight's awesomeness came out of nothing, really. it has made me realize that life really is what you make it. if you go in optimistic, then you are going to come out on top. if you go in with God, there is no way you are going to fail. this amazing outlook on life is making me far less stressed about the future, which is something i desperately needed. my dad and i had a good chat today about the future following graduation for me, and it made me nervous about the next chapter in my life. now, i think i'll be ok.

that God for cool little brothers who don't mind spending an evening with their not so cool older sisters.

anticipation.

2009-03-09T09:26:00.000-07:00

the weekend that was: relaxing-ish. spent friday with sav in commute to my mom's, the liberty game in fresno, and back to my mom's. saturday was spent just hanging out with jm watching cribs until jessie and jeff's wedding at seven. the wedding was far less awkward then i thought it would be. i hung out with amber, her roommate, and alisha at the reception, and we had a great time being (practically) the only sober ones there. sunday was nice. kelly gave me the day off, so to speak, so i got to sit in service and just worship and listen. it was good. then, i went to hang out with alisha for a while before heading home. it was great weekend, where i got far less done then i had hoped, but the relaxation was much needed.

where i am at the moment: excited. the connection is so awesome! i'm also nervous about school. finals next week, pray for me.

on my to-do list this week: finishing the final paper for all three of my classes. epp.

what God is teaching me: that if i fully trust Him, He will not let me down.

book i’m in the midst of: stand by alex mcfarland (for the connection). looking for alaska by john green (just because). both are very good, in their own way. =)

music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: underoath. anberlin.

next trip: mexico to build a house in april. =)

how i’m feeling about this week: anxious. excited. restless.

a new perspective.

2009-03-03T10:31:00.000-08:00

"The people had a great impact on me and I believe I returned home with a different outlook from many who go on missions trips. People return to America and have this gratitude for all they have… but those are just things. These people have the power and presence of God. They have community, family, and are the true church. We need them to be missionaries here in the States."

This quote was posted on the Unmuted blog by Britney following her trip to Panamaquin, Guatemala. These thoughts have been stirring around in my mind...am I just feeling thankful for what I have? I know that these were my thought last year as I returned from the Mexico trip. This year, I want thoughts like Britney's when I go to Mexico and Zimbabwe. Lord, please give me a deeper understanding of these people and who they are.

looking forward to a new challege.

2009-03-02T09:41:00.000-08:00

the weekend that was: pretty long. friday night we threw sav a surprise birthday party which went off fantastically. then, we hung out at jake and sam's and i stayed the night at sav's. sav and i woke up early for a day of drumline. i have been asked to help with taft and am really excited about that, and the drumline shows seem so cool for this year and i can't wait to see where they go. sunday was the usual, with a little glitch in the middle, a business meeting for brimhall, and a great time of learning and creating with sam. i cannot wait to see where the week goes.

where i am at the moment: happy, confused, and excited all at once. oh, and slightly overwhelmed with school, too.

on my to-do list this week: a ton of homework. getting the connection pulled together. finishing the winter camp video. finding out what is going on with a few people. oh, and not going crazy.

what god is teaching me: that He has a plan for my life, and that i'm living it out. sometimes i forget the bigger picture, but God is helping me see that lately. He is also continually showing me that ministry is where i am called to be. i constantly am finding different ways to lead and it is good feeling to know that i am heading in the right direction.

book i’m in the midst of: i want to start a new book. any suggestions?

music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: the cd that kayloni gave me. anberlin. christopher's cd, for some reason.

next trip: mexico to build a house in april. =)

how i’m feeling about this week: anxious. excited. nervous. scared. ready.

feeling held back.

2009-02-27T10:00:00.000-08:00

i've been feeling for a while now that i'm holding myself back, or moving myself to far forward, or something like that. all i know is that i haven't felt much like myself. i have been trying to predict what God is planning for me and trying to make it happen. i've been doing all of this to please Him, but instead i am losing Him. my predicting has got me no where, and my heart feels more empty than before. i just keep searching, hoping to find what it is i'm suppose to be looking for.

why do i try so hard to figure out what it is i need to be doing? i get a small glimmer of what i am to be doing and say, "thanks God, i'll take it from here!" that's not a smart approach at all! i know that God will reveal to me his plan when i am ready, so why do i go out there looking for something i know has not even been put into action yet? instead of listening to God in the whispers, i am ignoring them. ignoring the whisper, the yelling, the rocks being hurrled at me, the brick wall put in front of me. i'm just sitting back waiting for the earthquake before i listen up to what God has in store.

as good as it feels in the moment to be awaken by God in this way, i can't help but wonder what it would feel like all the time if i listened for God in the whispers...

sugarpine oh-nine.

2009-02-25T08:41:00.000-08:00

wow, winter camp was amazing. there were so many powerful things that happened in the students that i couldn't even describe them all to you in one setting. i can say that i am so glad that everyone that went ended up there because everyone walked away with a new understanding of who God is and where He is leading them.

there was more snow on the mountain this year then i have ever seen. epic built a fort in the middle of the field, and everyone else turned on us. there was a huge snow ball fight on saturday that lasted for hours. i was attacked, josiah was stuck in the fort, and we created sneak attack plans. during the fight, adrianne and i got stuck past our waist in the snow and i thought we were gone forever (or at least for a few weeks until all that snow melted).

worship was awesome, as always. kevin and the team were completely open to the spirit and were able to take the students to new heights in their worship. the speaker was awesome, as always. steve chavez brought the word in a hard, fast, and great way. he is possibly one of the greatest speakers i have had the opportunity to listen to.

all in all the weekend was amazing. i met some great new friends and reconnected with old ones. i created some friendships that will last a lifetime. there was insane hype surrounding winter camp, and it lived up to it and more.

long weekend. happy results.

2009-02-24T10:42:00.000-08:00

the weekend that was: unbelievable. winter camp was amazing. i will give a list of my favorite moments from camp in another post.

where i am at the moment: completely happy and optimistic. hoping for the best and ready to actually give it ALL over to God.

on my to-do list this week: continue selling outback tickets, start a couple papers.

what god is teaching me: that He really is looking out for me. that i am never alone is this crazy world. that i have some of the greatest friends and that they are the ones i can always turn to. its a good feeling.

book i’m in the midst of: trying to sort somethings out. i want to start a new book.

music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: more anberlin. a band called confide. and the awesome rock concert at winter camp.

next trip: pretty sure its mexico in april, but not quite sure if i'm going to have another trip before that.

how i’m feeling about this week: anxious.

on the road, again.

2009-02-20T10:10:00.000-08:00

in about four hours i will be on the road again with EPIC. this time, our destination is sugarpine for winter camp. for me, winter camp is one of the greatest weekends of the year. we get to hide out in the beautiful mountains, with snow and friends for an awesome time of worship and reflection. there is just something about being far away from our everyday life that brings us together, and i love that feeling. bonus, kevin doyle is one of the best praise and worship leaders i have ever had the privilege of listening to, and he leads worship at winter camp every year. his ability to bring the worship out of every student is amazing to watch. plus, i actually get a chance to worship, something i miss from time to time being that i am a major part of the sound/tech aspect of both our youth services and sunday services here at home.

so, be prepared for a trip recap come tuesday. see you on the other side of the weekend.

procrastination will be the death of me.

2009-02-19T09:24:00.000-08:00

even as i sit here and blog to you, i am procrastinating at least four other things. why is it that we procrastinate? for me, i think i take on too many projects, trying to be super woman, and then i end up only doing half as well on all of them as i want to. my "to do list" is ever increasing, while the satisfaction i get at crossing them off decreases at a faster rate. the annoying thing is that all the projects i want to do to further prepare me for my future career are being pushed aside for the little things i have to do. i am so close to graduation, but i'm to the point where i don't really care about it anymore. i know this is HORRIBLE, but i don't really know what to do. i know i'm going to graduate, i need to graduate, but i'm not really caring right now. how do i change that?

goodness. procrastination/ADD is going to be the death of me. it took me twenty minutes to type this short entry, and i was doing three other things - a project for work, checking email, checking info for classes next quarter.

blog #50! =D

2009-02-16T09:32:00.000-08:00

the weekend that was: fun. i spent friday and saturday with my cousins. mostly james mitchell (setting up for the valentine's dance, a trip to pick up stuff from my mom and shop at target), but also jenn & garret & alex on saturday night (photoshoot of james with some awesome pizza factory). yesterday i just went to church (only one service this week) with my dad. then we went to lunch and i had worship practice. finished out the weekend with the bestest at her casa. =)

where i am at the moment: happy with life. ready for winter camp. nervous/excited/ready for zimbabwe.

on my to-do list this week: continue selling outback tickets, pack for winter camp, work on my next couple papers so that i'm not stressing at the last minute again (like always...stupid procrastination).

what god is teaching me: to be patient. i'm finally starting to reap the rewards of some really hard work. it makes me excited.

book i’m in the midst of: eat, pray, love. psalm 7 with kay&kat.

music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: the new anberlin cd. saosin's song "you're not alone" and meredith andrews song of the same title.

next trip: winter camp!!! =)

how i’m feeling about this week: excited for winter camp this weekend. wooot.

creative writing.

2009-02-10T10:11:00.000-08:00

so, yesterday in my journalism class we had to do a little bit of creative, feature writing. we were to write just the intro to a feature story about our morning commute that day. i had a lot of fun writing it, and here is what mine turned out like. remember, it's just the first few paragraphs of what a full story (which we don't finish for class) would look like.

As the first sunrays began to peak over the mountains, she was already 30 minutes into her typical Monday morning commute and still had almost 45 more to go. Just as she started to pull out her large, red sunglasses from her bag in the passenger seat, she noticed one raindrop hit her windshield. Soon, three more dropped on the glass with perfect synchronization.
Within minutes, rain was pouring down on her little purple Chevy Cobalt. She put the sunglasses back in her bag; it didn’t look like she was going to need them this morning.
The rain fell as if a four year old were playing with the faucet in the kitchen: on full blast, quickly shut off, small sprinkles, off, on. These unpredictable droplets made her windshield wipers beg for mercy as she made them follow the rhythm that the rain was creating.

what do you like to write about? do you enjoy creative writing? =)

2009-02-09T10:00:00.000-08:00

the weekend that was: slightly slow, but good. friday night mom and i watched pearl harbor. saturday, we went to target and cleaned up around the house. we also finished up an art project for the game room wall. then, i left for alisha's new house early afternoon and spent the evening hanging out with my bestest. we watched this really weird movie on lifetime after my second target trip and some good burgers from a&w. finished the weekend out with church, hanging out/homework at the cornelison house, worship practice, and scrapbooking/movie once i got back to mom's.

where i am at the moment: happy with life. stressed about school. ready for zimbabwe.

on my to-do list this week: continue selling outback tickets, finish up my three papers due within the next seven days.

what god is teaching me: that some friends come and go, but the greatest ones are in for the long haul.

book i’m in the midst of: eat, pray, love. psalm 6.

music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: a really random cd from 2003 with mostly good charlotte on it. lorel's cd and sarah's cd.

next trip: winter camp!!! =)

how i’m feeling about this week: worried about homework.

back to my roots.

2009-02-06T11:52:00.001-08:00

i've decided that i really want to get back to scrapbooking. its not really going to be an easy task to catch up on all the things i've missed over the past four years that i have been lacking, so i think i'll just do the main points of last year and move forward to a brand new year, full of scrapbooking. i'm hoping to try to complete at least one spread every week to keep up with my busy life, and the busy amount of pictures. i really need to go purchase a new scrapbook, and hopefully get started right away. =)

does anyone have any cool suggestions as to different types of scrapbooking techniques they have used in the past?

beginning to feel like this is all i write anymore...

2009-02-02T10:45:00.000-08:00

the weekend that was: soooo very long (this tends to be every weekend). friday i finished packing, went to an awesome show at The Gate featuring Down for the Kill, See the Light, and Silence O Israel. all the bands were great, and it was fun to get to hang out with katie and the boys again. saturday was an early morning full of moving and unpacking-ish at mom's. then off to taft for the night. in taft, i watched both the narnia movies, and went to bed far too late for my early morning on sunday. church x2, then to sammie's for a little pre-Super Bowl Wii action with sam, blake, and jake. then, it was Super Bowl time with the usual suspects. the game was so good, even though i wish the cardinals would have taking it. after the game it was back to mom's for an early night.

where i am at the moment: trying to make the most of every situation. loving life, and loving the besties.

on my to-do list this week: finish unpacking. finish reading for class. sending out my letters for Zimbabwe. trying to fundraise with the Outback tickets. =)

what god is teaching me: to be patient. always.

book i’m in the midst of: eat, pray, love. psalm 5.

music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: i came across the old Kelly Clarkson cd in my case and listened to that at the beginning of the week. then bought Futures by Jimmy Eat World and listened to that mostly the rest of the week. a little bit of kayloni's playlist on sunday night.

next trip: winter camp!!! =) only two more weeks. get excited.

how i’m feeling about this week: excited.

almost five months later.

2009-01-26T11:08:00.001-08:00

i answered these questions in my very first blog post almost five months ago. so, i decided to fill it out again.

Things you are afraid of: dolphins. fish. feet. failing. losing a friend because of something i did. money situations. not finding a job after graduation. going in a direction with my life that is different then what God has planned. messing up. saying something stupid.

Things that make you laugh: the sarcasm of my friends. playing taboo. taking funny pictures. my baby brother everytime i talk to him. the irony of my life. dreads. christopher james on a normal basis. inside jokes sent through text messages.

Things that make you cry: movies with touching stories. death. watching a life be reborn into the very thing God has created it to be. seeing God work in crazy ways. homelessness. orphans. the overwhelming lack of clean water in the world. worship. song lyrics that fit exactly with what you are feeling at that precise moment of your life.

Things you love: God. family. music. best friends. EPIC uth. the Dodgers. random texts. car talks. playing guitar/piano. watching movies with friends. birthdays. inside jokes. finding the perfect gift for a friend. picnics and pictures (either at the same time, or seperate). worship. missions trips. bowling. board games. watching basketball games live. puzzles. zimbabwe, africa. dinner dates. girls nights. purses. the Chargers. going to the zoo. the beach. sunsets. all nighters. Disneyland. hearing singers sing harmony. road trips. writing novellas through email. receiving a handwritten letter in the mail. going through the Bible and its teachings with friends.

Things you hate: that i snore. fake people. when people bail out with no real explanation. the feeling of uncertainty. when people think where they are turning for help is working, but it is really hurting and there is nothing you can do to change their mind.

Things you don't understand: why people pretend to worship. how people try to trick God. how laundry piles up so quickly. why the good ones are always the ones who seem to leave too soon. why it's so hard for people to just believe in something. why people don't take the chance to act like a little kid every now and then.

Things you're good at: music. leading. typing. taking pictures. being myself. listening. giving advice. laughing.

Things you suck at: knowing when i'm wrong. talking less. driving. knowing when to say no and when to rest.

Right now you are: sitting at work. happy with life. ready to start making waves. in my second-to-last quarter at CSUB.

Twelve facts about you:

giraffes are my favorite animals.
i was called to be a youth pastor at summer camp oh-eight while praying for christian matthew.
i have had the same best friend since 1992. we were only five then.
my other half is in the army reserves. my brother is a marine.
i am allergic to pretty much everything.
i am going to zimbabwe, africa in 156 days.
scrapbooking is my favorite past time. i think i may start it up again.
writing is one of my passions.
i have a twin, but he is seven years younger than me.
my baby brother and i have no secrets.
i grew up in a small, but awesome, community.
i am constantly trying to make waves.

another week here and gone.

2009-01-26T10:51:00.000-08:00

the weekend that was: started with girls night on friday. saturday started early. kayla's little ones basketball game in oildale, then picked up kayloni and sav for the show at the dome. the show was so fun. we watched silence o israel play, then we sat around until i, the skyline and dawn defeo played about three hours later. after dawn defeo (my brother's band) played, we left and ate dinner at rubio's. then, a car talk for about an hour and took them home. sunday was church X2 (without kelly). then worship practice and some tv with the cousins. pretty easy weekend, but lots of fun.

where i am at the moment: sick-ish still. ear infection and congestion in my chest. gross. other than that, i am doing pretty good. happy with life, friends, and awesome-ness.

on my to-do list this week: homework. laundry. reading. bible study plan. set-up for our new wednesday night.

what god is teaching me: to trust Him. that He has given me everything i need to live the life i am suppose to.

book i’m in the midst of: eat, pray, love. psalm 4 with kat and kay this week.

music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: meredith andrews. she is an AWESOME worship leader who just put out a great cd. love her. also, i'm really liking some softer stuff as well as stuff like escape the fate. i'm totally in a weird mood when it comes to music lately.

next trip: winter camp!!! =)

how i’m feeling about this week: hopeful.

my top influencial people.

2009-01-22T10:43:00.000-08:00

i was reading vicky beeching's blog (you can find a link to it on the side bar if you wish) and she posed the question to her readers "who are your top 3 most influencial people?" i answered the question, but kind of wanted to give a more in-depth answer (with more like top eight then top three). so, here is my list.

great-grandmother, ola mae. her hunger for God is something that i still strive after. her passion is one thing that kept me going, even through the really hard times. if it weren't for her direction, i doubt i would be where i am today.
my uncle, mitch. he had a love for people that few do. he always asked how you were doing, and would actually listen to, and care about, the response. i hope that people will remember me in the same way i remember him.
my youth pastor/mentor, kelly. he has shown me so much in the past six months. he has given me multiple opportunities to see what being a youth pastor is going to be like first hand. by allowing me to do rather than just watch, he has equipped me for the future and i am forever grateful to him for the time he has put into teaching/mentoring me.
my parents, james and mary. from a young age, they helped me discover God, but allowed me to do it in my own way. even though they were divorced by the time i got to high school, i have always been able to turn to both of them for answers. my dad is like my best friend, and my mom is the greatest inspiration.
the baby brother, jeffrey doyle. even though he is four years younger than me, he has influenced me in so many ways. he takes it upon himself to make-up for his mistakes and he never lets other people do the work he can do on his own. if you look up independent, you will find jeffrey. but, under all of that, he has a heart to help people. he has helped me through a LOT.
my cousins. they influence me in crazy ways. we are six (plus a few newbies) and i don't think i could have made it through this insane life without them.
my bestest friend, alisha rae. she influences me daily. she has such courage and strength. literally she has helped me through EVERYTHING (seeing we've been besties since 1992...we were five then). i love this girl to pieces.
the students and leaders of EPIC UTH. goodness. i can't really say everything about them here, it would take about a year to write it all. they influence me to continue in my faith, even when i feel like all hope is lost. they are always there for me to talk to and confide in. they live up the name of our group, they are truly EPIC and extraordinary. they are making waves.

longest weekend ever.

2009-01-20T10:12:00.000-08:00

the weekend that was: insane. friday i learned that adrianne had gone missing (now for seven days), that shaye fields was killed in a car accident, all while in LA on a missions trip. the trip was so good, except for me getting sick halfway through the day of work. on saturday we did so much stuff that it seemed more like three days then just one. we did this thing called "adopt a block" where we split up and went to different blocks around the Teen Challenge Ministry Institute (TCMI, where we were staying) and offered to cut grass, wash cars, and pray for people. it was an awesome experience. then, we did kidz club. for this, our team went to inglewood and set up our bus at a church there. we performed a series of skits/games to teach the kids a lesson of trusting God. then, after some down time, we had an awesome worship service and headed out to Skid Row. yes, THEE Skid Row. we got to hand out food and blankets to homeless people living on the streets there, and it was amazing. it was so cool to see our kids not care and just share the love of God with these people by talking to them and praying for them. this is one experience that i don't think they will ever forget.

where i am at the moment: happy. ready to see where waves are going to be made.

on my to-do list this week: homework. laundry. the usual.

procrastinating about: homework. always.

what god is teaching me: to trust Him. that great things come to those who wait for the right time.

book i’m in the midst of: eat, pray, love. awesome. also, i'm reading through psalm with kayloni and katrina. chapter 3 this week.

music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: the random stuff we listened to in my car to/from inner city LA.

next trip: winter camp!!! =)

how i’m feeling about this week: excited.

another monday.

2009-01-12T10:28:00.000-08:00

the weekend that was: pretty fun. friday after school i hung out with alisha. we went to the mall, had some lunch, watched dark knight. lots of fun with the bestie that was much needed. then, it was over to stockdale high school for the twins basketball game. the game was probably one of the best high school games i have ever watched. they played great, but came up short due to a horrible call at the end of one of the quarters. after the crazy game i headed over to the lamas' for sarah's 15th birthday party. it was lot of fun, and a great end to a long day. on saturday, there was the inner city la meeting at first assembly, then i had to race jeff over to north high (which i forgot how to get to for a brief moment and almost ran out of gas in the process) for honor band auditions. after he auditioned for the seventh time in his band career, we had us some taco bell and then went to good ole t-fat where jeff was lucky enough to change the oil in gwen. i watched part of the titans/ravens game and napped with dad, then drove back home. after a good nap on my couch, and some more football, i took in a late movie with sam and ashley (Bedtime Stories...so cute!). sunday brought everything normal: church times two, worship practice, and then a parent meeting about missions and the rest of the year. and finally, dinner and homework with my cousins. great weekend.

where i am at the moment: working. happy.

on my to-do list this week: finish up all my reading, and some extra reading because of the missions trip this weekend. packing for LA. starting my first story for feature writing.

procrastinating about: my reading part of homework.

what god is teaching me: to be patient. to not let the cat out of the bag too early when it comes to the kids.

book i’m in the midst of: eat, pray, love. by elizabeth gilbert. i absolutely love her.

music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: i made a playlist of all the cds that i made my friends for christmas. i couldn't stop listening to devotion by hillsong united (from katrina's cd), freedom by run kid run (from christopher's cd) or redemption, passion, glory by dizmas (from both sav and alisha's cds).

next trip: inner city LA. this weekend. nervous/excited.

how i’m feeling about this week: really ready for all my homework to be done, and to be in the vans off to LA for the weekend with my kids.

let the craziness begin.

2009-01-06T10:07:00.000-08:00

as much as i am looking forward to 2009, it is going to be one of the craziest years yet. i'm finishing up my bachelor's degree in communications, striving to become a youth pastor, helping start up a whole new way of conducting youth ministry at my church, going on multiple trips with EPIC youth (one of which being africa), as well as working a real job and pseudo interning at another. this seems so insane and out of control, but as i sit here and type about it i am becoming super excited. i cannot wait to see what this year is going to hold for me!

i am so glad to have such an awesome group of friends by my side through this madness. the people i've been spending most of my time with lately seemed to sort of come out of no where. we were all friends before, but we've sort of become this really tight click (a term i am using losely in this context). it feels really strange to me to be the oldest of this group, too. for so long i was the youngest of my group of friends, and now i'm taking on a whole new role in the group. some people may think that i am a little weird for spending so much time with these young ones, but for the first time in my life, i'm ok with people thinking odd of me. if you for just one moment stopped to listen to these kids, you would see that they have more insight into God then most people my age. while my close group of friends has an average age of 16, i carry on amazing conversations with them about life, faith, callings...its pretty amazing.

i love how close we have become, i love how close me and my cousins are, and i love still having my best friend, Alisha, to share life with. no one can replace my friends, their my family.

a whole new year.

2009-01-05T09:04:00.001-08:00

the weekend that was: fun. friday night was peaceful. saturday a group of us went to watch Seven Pounds and then we went to a hang out at kayloni's (where i stayed far too late and am still reaping the not so nice side effects of). and sunday was finally back to routine. church x2, worship practice, bible study. oh, how i've missed sundays with those kids.

where i am at the moment: working. content.

on my to-do list this week: starting school back up on wednesday. only two quarters left and i'm out of here!

procrastinating about: buying my parking pass. getting all my other things in order for normal school stuff.

what god is teaching me: to let other people take the reigns every now and then.

book i’m in the midst of: come thirsty by max lucado. eat, pray, love by elizabeth gilbert.

music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: sam's playlist for some reason has been playing in my car pretty much non-stop since last wednesday.

next trip: inner city LA missions trip. mixed feelings surround this for me, but i'm ready to go where God is leading me.

how i’m feeling about this week: nervous, excited.

the first.

2009-01-02T10:17:00.001-08:00

welcome 2009, we've been waiting for you! this year i rang in the new year with most of my best friends. we hung out at sam and jake's, ate some food, played some taboo, and watched the ball drop. afterward, we all decided to pull an all-nighter and watch the first sunrise of the new year together. unfortunately, this plan failed miserably when the fog was so thick that we couldn't even see the sun. oh well, at least we tried together. the only thing that could have possibly made the night any better would have been lorelyn.

i cannot wait to see what 2009 holds for me and my friends. i am so happy to have the people i do have with me. i love sharing life with them, and 2009 is going to be no exception. below are some of my goals for the new year...what are some of yours?

learn to play a key other than G on guitar well.
keep up with my laundry as to not have the laundry monster.
live more of a carpe diem life (thanks crystalina!).
no chipotle. this one is going to be hard, but i'm doing it with my friends. =)
go to the gym at least once a week.
watch the sunrise from our hill with lorelyn and friends when she gets home.
give what i spend money on more thought.
spend time with friends/family at least once a week outside of youth and church.
give to STL and my church regularly.
save money to go to zimbabwe. start saving for missions trip next summer and to visit mary in new york.
get a good job once my stay at chevron is over.
move out on my own. for real this time.
keep up on emails with friends that live far away.
continue to make monthly playlists with mary.
continue to keep studying the Bible in check with katrina & others.
to learn to let the dumb things go and to give up "being in charge" more.

that's it for now. if i think of any more, i'll post them then. =)

the last.

2008-12-31T10:19:00.000-08:00

well, here is where we bring 2008 to a close. this year was one of the greatest years of my life, and i am so glad that i get to close it out with most of the people i have grown close to over the course of these last twelve months. the past months have been challenging, but we made it through. when a year closes, i generally have a hard time letting go of past memories and pushing forward to create new ones...not this year. don't get me wrong, 2008 was such an awesome year filled with great memories, but i'm so excited for what is in store for 2009. there is no doubt that 2009 will be far different then 2008, but i am ready for a change. i'm ready to enter a year spent with the people that i love the most.

what are you looking forward to in 2009? any big changes? post a comment, i want to know what's going on with you!

see you on the other side! <3

the other half...

2008-12-29T09:15:00.000-08:00

wow. i can't believe that thirty minutes ago, lorel left for six months. it hasn't really hit me yet, but i know it will in time. she is one of my greatest friends, and its going to be really hard to go through life without her here in california. even though we are miles apart, i know in my heart that this is what she is meant to do. i can't wait to hear all her stories and see her change into what God has created her to be. in fact, i'm sort of excited about it all. its going to be rough not getting to talk to her everyday, but i get to pray for her everyday and hear from her often, so it will be ok.

the last night spent with her is something i will never forget. seven of us gathered and watched the sunset from a hill at riverwalk park. it was so incredible to be able to witness something that great with the people i have grown to love like family. to think, one year ago i didn't even really know all of them, and yesterday we experienced something truly amazing...together. i could not have asked for better friends, or a more awesome other half.

the sunset reminded me of so many things. how everything comes to an end at one point, but that it only means something new will come about soon. how great the creator of the universe is; he made something that beautiful and gave me such awesome friends to share it with. as christian, christopher, lorel, ashley, nathan, jake, and i laid there on that hill and watched the sunset over the mountains, i felt an overwhelming sense of calm. i know everything is going to be ok. i can't wait to see what the sun rises on in the months to come.

i'll miss you other half. until our sunrise in august...

i wish today was still yesterday...

2008-12-29T08:57:00.000-08:00

the weekend that was: longest, greatest. the weekend started early with all the christmas-ness. first nan's on christmas eve, then dad's, then mom's christmas day. it was a lot of fun. "yay!" came back to taft and spent some time with the baby brother. then it was off to sav's basketball game on saturday, sequoia's with the gang, party at the ruff's. the party was lots of fun! then, a night spent at sam's with sav, katrina, kayloni, and sammie. sunday was hard. one combined service, a farewell lunch for lorel at chipotle. and our last good-bye outting (which i'll explain more in the next post).

where i am at the moment: tired. barely functioning. at work.

on my to-do list this week: the taming of the laundry monster. sleep. party at sam's for new years.

procrastinating about: offically realizing that my other half is leaving. i still have yet to fully get it.

what god is teaching me: that i can make it on my own. that his plans far exceed anything i can even imagine. just to trust him and his path for not only my life, but for my friends' lives as well.

book i’m in the midst of: still come thirsty. i must admit, i have slacked off on reading with all the crazy parties and last minute get-togethers with lorelyn.

music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: christopher's mix and lorel's mix. christopher's is becoming my favorite to listen to, and lorel's is one that i listened to yesterday (and probably will for the rest of the week, at least) to try to let her go.

next trip: probably the inner city LA trip in mid-January.

how i’m feeling about this week: sad and happy all at once. it's complicated, i guess.

the first of many lookbacks at 2008

2008-12-23T15:02:00.000-08:00

20 things that made 2008 awesome!

mexico beaches. getting to see mexico from the beach and watch the waves crash on a different shore while reflecting on my first missions trip was awesome.
ministry tour inside jokes. you smell like dora. “if i had wings i would fly…” best trip ever!
summer camp prayers. praying for coral, sav, christian, kayloni, lorel, everyone. it was the first time i had ever really done something like that, and it was amazing.
my “internship” at brimhall. and, yes it needs quotations. it’s a pseudo internship and completely complicated. but, it is also one of the best experiences of my life.
gaining new friendships.
understanding my current friendships and why they are in place.
expanding old friendships into something great.
growing my extended family.
finding my other half.
finding AMAZING new music:
- mayday parade.
- family force 5.
- addison road.
- jonas brothers.
- planetshakers.
- run kid run.
- oh, sleeper.
- spoken.
- and so much more.
starting this blog. i am so happy that i decided to share my thoughts on everything here. =)
finding awesome organizations to follow. staying faithful to others.
- to write love on her arms (twloha).
- invisible children.
- charity: water.
understanding that my calling is to youth ministry.
finding my other families. the grasinger family, cornelison family, and the lucas family. i am so grateful that they saw fit to “adopt” me.
my bestie getting married!
getting to be in three weddings: melissa & craig. alisha & luke. jenn & garret.
reuniting with some taftie friends. i missed them, so. and this year, we became even better friends. i love them.
having three friends (baby brother jeffrey, other half lorel, taftie andy) become part of the armed forces.
getting to live with two of my closest friends, live with my mom, live with my dad, live on my own, and live with the two coolest older cousins ever in the same year! i know, i move like crazy.
getting to meet alan & dorothy graham. the people who changed my life. i can’t wait to see them come july.

work desktop photo of the month.

2008-12-22T13:37:00.000-08:00

this one is of me and mateE (Mary) at buckingham palace in the summer of 2005.
what a great trip. someday we'll go back. but for now, i can relive the trip every time i'm at work by looking at my desktop.

the last monday with lorel for a while.

2008-12-22T09:04:00.000-08:00

the weekend that was: super fun. friday brought the EPIC christmas party at the haggard's and jm's visit to casa de la huddleston/hooker. saturday was a lazy day. josh and i just watched the history channel and csi: for what seemed like an eternity (but it was awesome). yesterday i went to church x2, drove to taft for a potluck with some old friends, drive back to bakersfield and picked up savy, then we went to lorel's for a girlie sleepover (something i haven't done in a very long time). the sleepover was awesome, full of taboo, clue, psychiatrist, mafia, and a random hour long walk (with sam, sav, katrina, ashley, and taylor) to no where. ok, the walk to no where started out as a walk to rite-aid (which was closed). so we decided to walk to albertson's instead. we under-estimated the length of this trek, and had to be picked up by lorel in her dad's suburban only half way there. but, the "two blocks" was more like four miles. i can't believe it was my last weekend hang out time with lorelyn until july. man, i'm gonna miss my other half.

where i am at the moment: in my chair at work, wishing i was still asleep on the floor at lorel's.

on my to-do list this week: finishing christmas present stuff and delivering it (this starts today and continues to tomorrow). picking up the birthday cake at costco on wednesday. rockin' the christmas thing with my fam and friends.

procrastinating about: offically realizing that my other half is leaving. finishing up christmas stuff.

what god is teaching me: to be patient. good things come to those who wait. and that even the greatest things have to end sometime.

book i’m in the midst of: still come thirsty. i must admit, i have slacked off on reading this week, hopefully i get back into it soon.

music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: all my mixes that i made for christmas. old stuff such as taking back sunday, jimmy eat world, and old relient k. good times.

next trip: to nan's on wednesday, mom's thursday, fresno saturday. oh christmas, how i love thee.

how i’m feeling about this week: anxious. excited. i wish this week would never end...

another wednesday.

2008-12-17T13:19:00.000-08:00

christmas is making me crazy. i have so many things to get done, and i feel like i have no time to get it done in. this happens to me every year, because i am a HUGE procrastinator. i have to finish MAKING 9 christmas presents, buy two more, rap at least ten others. whew. christmas is making me crazy.

in other news, tonight is the last EPIC youth night of 2008. its been a great year, and i hate to see it go. but, i know that next year is going to be crazy. i can't wait to see what God has in store for our little youth group in the months ahead. also, tonight is the last night Lorel will be joining us at EPIC for a while. she leaves in 12 days for basic with the army reserves. what am i going to do without my other half for a whole six months?!

also, only 196 days until zimbabwe. i cannot begin to describe how anxious i am for this trip to take place. i wish i could go right now, but i know that i have to be patient and wait for july...i just wish july was the next month and not january.

a thought just hit me regarding wednesdays and my youth group. we only have 52 wednesdays a year. when you cut out holidays and the like, this means we only meet for EPIC about 48 days a year. and from there, it could further be cut down because of theme nights, and trips where we don't see some of them. that means there is only about 40 days a year that we see these students, and only for about 2 hours a day. that's only 80 hours of the 8760 hours that they have for a whole year: .9% of their time is spent at church. less than 1%. what are we feeding them, spiritually, in these few moments we are together? are we equiping them enough to deal with the other 99% of their year that they don't spend with us? sure, they go on maybe one or two trips with us a year, and they might come on sundays, or to bible study every now and then. but, are we dealing with the ones who only come on wednesdays? or are we just telling them to come spend more time with us, but getting nowhere in discipling them?

goodness, i now see why kelly wants us to shake up how EPIC happens. i understood that he wanted us to go somewhere else, but now i really think i get it. i want the students to feel that they can turn to me with questions when they are out facing the world in those other times we aren't together. i want to make sure that with the 1% of time i have to show them how to fight in this spiritual battle they will be able to do just that in the other 99%. i want them to understand that they don't have to fight alone. with the 1% of time we are together, i want a community to be created. one where life can be shared outside the 1%, so maybe their 99% doesn't seem so unatainable.

my brain feels like it may explode....

monday on a tuesday.

2008-12-16T08:35:00.000-08:00

the weekend that was: unbelivably awesome! i had so much fun visiting my cousins in panorama city. on friday, jenn, garret, and myself took a little trip to the getty for jenn's birthday. then, we went out to dinner at macaroni grill (my new fave). on saturday, jenn, garret, crystin, and i made the trek to anaheim to take in some mickey mouse holiday awesome-ness. we went to california adventure, and it was a lot of fun. sunday brought on football and naps, two of my favorite things. then, yesterday i drove home and did almost all of my christmas shopping followed by the traditional girls ornament gift exchange at crystal's house. the extended weekend finished with a new phone, and a much needed car talk with savy.

where i am at the moment: work. totally ready for the holidays.

on my to-do list this week: finish the creative portion of my christmas gifts. finish buying the rest of the gifts. bonfire service tomorrow. EPIC christmas party on friday, another party on saturday, something of my cousin's birthday, and a get together with my taft friends on sunday (plus bible study). WHEW! Busy little bee!

procrastinating about: finishing part 5 of my bible study. finishing christmas stuff.

what god is teaching me: to be patient, that good things come to those who wait for the right time. that friends are amazing.

book i’m in the midst of: come thirsty by max lucado. amazing.

music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: gnarls barkley's newest cd. random electronica. still loving addison road (is there anyway that i could mess up my iPod if i listen to one cd too much?!).

next trip: to mom's for Christmas. not for a few weeks, but still exciting.

how i’m feeling about this week: ready for it to be over, with everything i am procrastinating done!

tagged.

2008-12-10T14:10:00.000-08:00

i got tagged by marko to list 6 random things about myself. i’ll play along. so, here goes:

1. i have worked for Chevron Corp. since i graduated high school in june 2005. i have worked in three departments: CBRES (in the mail center), Office of the Vice President, and PGPA (as an internal communications assistant). pretty well rounded for a twenty-one-year-old college student.

2. i moved only once prior to turning eighteen. in the thirty-six months since, i have moved a total of six times.

3. i've had an x-ray on every part of my body at least once. i, also, was on crutches 7 times in high school. once freshman year (broken foot/twisted ankle), three times sophomore year (bad right knee injury, sprained ankle, again for my knee due to rehabilitation), and three times junior year (twice for my knee, torn ligaments in my ankle=cast for prom). due to my knee injury, i have to go through physical therapy every winter to maintain good movement and to stay away from crutches.

4. i can play every instrument in a typical concert band minus the tuba and baritone. i played flute from age 8 until freshman year of high school, then became a trumpet player. switched around on woodwinds in junior high summer school to learn different things. because of the aforementioned knee injury, i became a pit percussionist for marching session and finished out my senior year solely in the percussion section. since graduating, i have learned piano more and also learned to play guitar.

5. i have been declared three majors in college (with two that i was without re-declaring). music education, liberal studies, followed by history and english without declaring them, and finally communications. surprisingly, i will graduate in 4 years. June 13, 2009 with a Bachelor's in communications, emphasis in journalism, minor in religious studies.

6. because of a crazy turn of events at summer camp oh-eight, i am pursuing a career as a youth pastor come summer oh-nine.

that's it for me. now i guess i have to tag someone...so i chose you. if you're reading this, consider yourself tagged. =)

monday.

2008-12-08T08:27:00.000-08:00

the weekend that was: relaxing. i watched the liberty jv boys basketball tourney. they ended up with third. christopher played great, and christian got his nose broken the first game so he had to sit out the rest. other than basketball, i had some amazing talks with the lucas' at their house on friday night, with sarah and kayloni in my car on the way home from the lucas', and with kayloni again last night. it was seriously just one great weekend.

where i am at the moment: sitting at work, thinking about life and EPIC. its pretty awesome.

on my to-do list this week: packing for my weekend vacation. letter's to God service at EPIC on wednesday =). finishing up a few projects at work. and just enjoying my break from school.

procrastinating about: buying christmas presents. i still have yet to buy one.

what god is teaching me: how to talk to students and how to help them overcome struggles. he's also continually showing me that youth is where i am called to serve.

book i’m in the midst of: come thirsty by max lucado. amazing.

music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: still listening to addison road. they are just awesome. but, i'm also listening to some christmas music, including the relient k christmas albums.

next trip: to panorama city on thursday afternoon. i'm so excited to spend an extended weekend away to help focus my mind a little.

how i’m feeling about this week: excited. i love the letters to God service, i love going on road trips, i love visiting my cousins. its gonna be a good week.

why i love africa...

2008-12-05T13:31:00.000-08:00

meeting a hero.

2008-12-04T14:28:00.000-08:00

yesterday was such an awesome day. alan and dorothy graham were in town to speak to the kids about missions and zimbabwe. but, before they spoke with the youth, shannon held a luncheon for them and some special guests to help getting funding to start up the graham’s new orphanage project “jabulani.” now more than ever, i am STOKED for zim. getting to meet the people who changed my life two years ago when i first heard about their life in zimbabwe was so amazing.

you might be asking yourself, how did they change her life without her even meeting them? well, the answer is simple: hearing their story and learning about the problems facing zimbabwe, i feel in love with the country. they changed the way i view my life here in the states, and how i view the world. they opened up my eyes to a part of life i had never seen, heard of, nor experienced.

and when i left last night, i said my good-byes to alan and dorothy. it wasn’t sad at all to see them go because i know i will see them again come july, only next time they will have the home field advantage…

its beginning to look a lot like christmas...

2008-12-02T14:59:00.001-08:00

the cold weather has made its way to bakersfield. cold weather evokes the following: sleepy-ness 24/7, not wanting to get out of bed because it is too cold out there, wanting to just sit bundled in a blanket with a good book, and absolutely not wanting to go to work. but, cold weather indicates that it is my favorite time of year, the holidays. i love the holidays. not because of receiving cool gifts from people, but because i get to give the people that i love things to show my gratitude for them year round. =D

its beginning to finally look like christmas. only twenty-three days to go…

youth convention recap.

2008-12-01T10:02:00.000-08:00

wow! this year was totally different, in really awesome ways. for this year, each room was to stick together and do pretty much everything as one group. i thought that this was a great idea because it formed some really unique friendships among our students. here is a list of my top 11 moments from youth convention oh eight:

1. planetshakers live. their energy is infectious. because of their appearance at convention, i want to go an buy their cds and learn their songs. the lady that led all the slow songs was so powerful. she would speak words of encouragement during the chorus while everyone else was singing, and it was awesome.

2. jeff deyo. he did not disappoint the year. even though he was only there for two services, it just wouldn’t have been yc without him.

3. francis chan. he was the speaker for both night services, and he did an amazing job. he described what God is in a way i had never thought of before. he read from revelation where john paints the picture of what seeing God in heaven will be like. it was insane! then, after describing how great and awesome God is, he ended by picking up his little daughter and them embracing, asking in a small voice, “does your relationship with God look like this?”. WOW! he also gave some great insight into prayer. amazing.

4. seeing students lives change. this one speaks for itself. but i really love seeing a room full of 5,000 students with hands raised in worship to their Creator, crying tears of joy because of the peace they have made with Him, and with themselves. it was especially awesome for me this year because i am so much closer with the students then i have been in years past. plus, my brother was at convention this year.

5. the security. it just wouldn’t be youth convention if we didn’t get in trouble with security. this year was far worse, in a good way, then we have ever had. during switchfoot, we had at least six security guards watching us. michelle almost got kicked out, tyrone was chased by a little female guard, kelly got lectured twice by them. still, i’m pretty sure we had the best time of any youth group there.

6. insulin! ya, if you weren’t there, you won’t get this. but it was very funny. the same yell pattern was also used for words such as salad, ice cream, ice cold insulin, and various other things.

7. deliverage. the cool mix of vanguard’s delivery boys and entourage sketch comedy groups for just EPIC was a really fun way to end saturday night. we were laughing so hard, most of us left in tears.

8. all the pranks. i won’t go into details to describe all of them, but EPIC is full of people who just like to have fun and mess with other people in our group.

9. seeing a vision from ministry tour become reality. when we were at our last church on ministry tour, everyone was praying for one another, and when i went to pray for lorel, something weird happened that i had never experienced before. when i touched her, i saw a single flame rapidly becoming multiple flames spreading like wildfire through this area of land. i immediately started crying. her and i talked about it for a long time after that, and we didn’t really know what it meant. as the months rolled by, i didn’t think about it much. then, we were doing the see you at the pole post-rally, where chloe started a flame and we lit up the room, and i saw it again. this time, i was pretty sure why. i talked with lorel, and i discovered it was about paige. but, God told me to wait to talk about it. then, on saturday night at convention, i saw her go up for the altar call, and i knew it was time to let her in. i went up, told her the story, and we cried and hugged for a long time. she got it; she knew it was for her. i can’t wait to see where her flame ignites. this was a over five month wait, but it was so worth it.

10. the stairs. we were on the sixteenth floor, and taking the stairs was no fun at all. especially the time that no one told us we should get off on the fourth floor and dwight, tyrone, summer, cristel, brooke, and i ended up outside.

11. the trip home. it was going smoothly, then we stopped for food, and that is where it all began. coral face planted, and luckily there was a nurse in del taco to help make sure she was ok. then, a car accident happened right in front of arby’s, and jarrod had this weird sixth sense (what my brother called a seventh sense) that made him move like lightening to the cars to make sure everyone was alright before calling 911. after we left the lunch madness, we started our trip home. our bus began to lose tire pressure and the brakes were being funny, so we stopped to check that out. there, we saw what we swear was dog the bounty hunter, so we videotaped and waved at him. our tires were still being funny when we took off again, so the bus driver called for a new bus to come get us from a rest stop. the new bus, 10 seats less then our current bus. so, i crammed in the van full of boys for the last 45 minutes of the trip home.

all-in-all it was an amazing weekend. i just wish it would have been a little bit longer.

monday.

2008-12-01T08:40:00.000-08:00

the weekend that was: YOUTH CONVENTION! it was such an awesome trip. jarrod and i agree that it wasn't quite long enough, but it was amazing. i was given mulitple chances to pray with different students and i know that i made a few new relationships with some of them. =) and, i'm missing san diego weather already...

where i am at the moment: physically-at work. spiritually-at a cross roads. emotionally-over my head.

on my to-do list this week: some christmas shopping. wednesday, all things zimbabwe with alan & dorothy in town. taming of the laundry. finish up the worksheet for this week's bible study.

procrastinating about: writing part 4 of my series.

what god is teaching me: i'm still dealing with patience. he is also showing me how he is with us, even in the small things. pretty cool stuff.

book i’m in the midst of: 90-day devotional entitled pure by rebecca st. james. and i'm starting come thirsty by max lucado tonight.

music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: the messagers cd by august burns red. i finally got it from my brother to put on my iPod. also, because of youth convention, i am loving planetshakers worship and group 1 crew.

next trip: to panorama city next weekend to visit the cousins.

how i’m feeling about this week: anxious. nervous. confused.

it's finally WEDNESDAY!

2008-11-26T10:11:00.000-08:00

look at me! posting two days in a row! i know, you may fall over in shock now...

anyway, i have so glad that today is the end of the work week. not to mention, also the last day of classes until january 7th. needless-to-say, i am really excited. plus! tomorrow is thanksgiving, which is always fun at the hooker house. then, off to san diego with my baby brother and the rest of EPIC for youth convention oh-eight. every year it is so awesome, and i'm sure this year is not going to disappoint me at all.

in other news, yesterday was our first real rain here. it is so nice to sit on your bed and read while listening to the rain outside your window. yet, it is so not awesome to walk across CSUB in the rain. when its raining, i like to be inside listening to it with a blanket rather than outside standing it in getting soaked.

yup, this has been one incredibly random blog...

new ritual.

2008-11-25T12:46:00.000-08:00

i'm going to try and start doing this every monday. i forgot about it yesterday (great start), so i'm posting it today. i took it from a new friend, marko. =)

the weekend that was: jenn & garret’s wedding! all the stress//awesomeness that came out of that ensued on friday and saturday. come sunday, i was tired and sick, with two services and two papers to go. so, i buckled down and finished everything, with a major crash at the end. all-in-all the weekend was awesome.

where i am at the moment: at work. starting finals week.

on my to-do list this week: finish up all my finals. possibly start christmas shopping (its that time of year again…dang). pack for youth convention. sleep.

procrastinating about: studying for my greek final.

what god is teaching me: patience. to overcome anger. its a process, to say the least.

book i’m in the midst of: 90-day devotional entitled pure by rebecca st. james.

music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: addison road. they’re a fantastic christian band with indie//worship undertones. pretty awesome. and i’m still in this weird jonas brothers mood. strange, i know.

next trip: youth convention oh-eight in san diego. we leave friday, home sunday. this is probably my favorite epic trip of the year.

how i’m feeling about this week: stressed out for the first half of the week. the rest of the week will be very relaxing with tons of food and fun spent with family and friends. cannot wait.

what time?

2008-11-18T15:38:00.001-08:00

This time of year is so crazy! I like being busy, but this is about ridiculous! I have finals starting next week, two papers due Monday, and a journal (20+ pages) due Thursday. Then, comes Youth Convention and Christmas rituals…I think my head might explode.

On top of all of this hoopla, the weather here is causing my brain to forget how close it is to the holidays. It was 80 degrees here yesterday, and Thanksgiving is 8 days away. This is just nonsense. Oh, I forgot to mention that my cousin is getting married on Saturday and I am the Maid of Honor. More chaos ensues…

AND, I have all of these cool ideas floating around in my brain involving youth ministry that I want to explore, but can’t because other things are more important at the moment. I still need to write my stuff for Sunday’s Bible Study…

I still need that vacation…

too many thoughts in my tiny brain...

2008-11-13T13:35:00.000-08:00

I wish to apologize in advance for the random, unconnected, thoughts that are about to ensue on your screen. My brain is moving WAY to fast lately, and it is becoming increasingly difficult for me to keep up. Being this thoughtful is exhausting work!

More and more I am realizing how complicated and intertwined my life path is. Everyone has a path that they are following, and lately I find myself crossing paths with many influential people in ministry that are not only guiding me, but also challenging me to think differently about youth ministry then I ever have before. When I realized my calling to youth ministry, I had one picture of what that would look like in my head. As the days, weeks, months roll by; I am seeing a different picture come into focus before me. This picture is not making any sense, but I am trusting God that it will in time.

While these things are going on in my brain and stirring my heart, I also have to focus on finishing a Bachelor’s Degree; a process I wish would just hurry up and be done with already. I desperately long for the day when I don’t have to worry about working a job, finishing homework, AND doing ministry. I really want to at least cut out one of these tasks. Doing all three is causing me to not put everything I have into ministry. It is extremely hard to have realized your calling and not be able to do a thing about it in the moment.

I am wearing thin…I need a vacation from my job and from school so that I can focus on ministry and what I’m going to do when I have my own youth group…even if only for a brief moment…

Invisible Children Update...

2008-11-06T13:35:00.000-08:00

I just went to the Invisible Children blog to see if there were any updates since last I was there...what I saw was shocking.

"Well, last Saturday, the LRA had a surprise attack…and things are looking a lot like they used to: Villagers are being rounded up and systematically killed, the LRA is taking as many children as they can, and 50,000 people were displaced in a single day. No one’s too sure what’s the reasoning behind all of this. And while all this is going on in the north-eastern border region, the eastern provinces of DR Congo have been dealing with their own horrific conflict, catching the attention of the UN Secretary General."

To read more and see what you can do to help, go to www.invisiblechildren.com/blog

music is the greatest...

2008-11-06T12:28:00.000-08:00

Just when I start to doubt my calling, God shows me in multiple ways that this is what I’m called to do. When insecurities take over, it is hard for me to get back in control of my thoughts, feelings, and emotions. I start to fear that all my failures make me inadequate for a life in ministry. Just as I was thinking this last night at EPIC, the praise and worship team began to play the final song, Mighty to Save.

"Saviour, He can move the mountains. My God is mighty to save, He is mighty to save. Forever, author of salvation. He rose and conquered the grave, Jesus conquered the grave.

Everyone needs compassion, love that's never failing, let mercy fall on me. Everyone needs forgiveness, the kindness of a Saviour, the hope of nations.

So take me as You find me, all my fears and failures, fill my life again. I give my life to follow everything I believe in, now I surrender.

Shine your light and let the whole world see we're singing for the glory of the risen King, Jesus. Shine your light and let the whole world see we're singing for the glory of the risen King."

The part that I made bold is the part of the song that got to me. And, to top it all off, Kelly told Jennifer Grasinger when I was standing right there that I was going to make a great pastor (apparently Katrina has been telling her the same thing at home).

Thanks, God. I hear you loud and clear…

winds of change...

2008-10-30T12:54:00.001-07:00

“This type of weather always makes me want to go home, start a fire, grab a blanket and a book…”

My boss just stated this fact over the cubicle, and Myriam (my co-worker) and I totally agree! It is beyond windy, even the tree outside my window keeps knocking wanting to come in and get away from it. While the wind is blowing outside, the winds of change are blowing within our youth group. God has placed it in the heart of both Kelly and me to move our youth group in a new direction. While no one really knows quite yet what this is going to become, I know that it is going to be something few have seen before, and I am so excited!

In other news, I turned in my Grad Check last Friday. I am five classes away from a Bachelor’s Degree, and will be graduating (if everything goes smoothly) in June…I turn 21 one week from today and am celebrating with a party at John’s Incredible Pizza...my cousin is getting married in less than a month and I am super excited…Youth Convention is less than a month away too…

So many insanely awesome things going on, in addition to me practically working three jobs, I am finding little time for sleep. God, please grant me strength to know when to say no and to go where you are leading me…

where the rubber hits the road...

2008-10-14T10:46:00.001-07:00

Sunday was by far the longest day of my life. When I finally arrived home after being gone over 13 hours, I felt drained, both physically and spiritually. The day started off pretty good, but as the hours rolled by, tension began to fill the air. I knew that it was going to be a different sort of Sunday, with Kelly being out of town and all, but I didn’t know it was going to be THIS different.

I won’t go into extreme detail here, but evil was taking hold of our youth worship team, and was trying to destroy everything they had been working so hard to attain. Egos were building up and crushing others, tempers were flaring. In the end, it seemed to be just a complete misunderstanding. However, this misunderstanding will have lasting effects on the hearts of the team. I know they can bounce back, but will it ever be the same?

So, why do we go through these things? Most of the time it is for us to realize that we must rely on God for everything. For when we lose sight of Him for just one moment, we can begin to sink fast. These struggles are also for us to realize how much we depend on each other, how much unity is a factor when it comes to us conquering evil. I learned Sunday that this conquering is a daily struggle. I learned that no matter how hard you try, you cannot get away from it once and for all. But I also learned that it is through God that we can overcome these little bumps in the path to Him and His plan for our lives.

On days like Sunday I begin to wonder if I really am cut out for this youth pastor thing…but it is also on these days that I really begin to understand why I am called to be a youth pastor…

Its complicated, but could I really live my life any other way?

Dodger/God Analogy...

2008-10-07T09:55:00.001-07:00

The Dodgers swept against the Cubs in the NLDS match-up! I was so excited, not only because we were the only team to sweep during round one this year, but also because everyone seemed to be voting against us in the beginning. Boy, did we show them! It’s crazy to think that we were so down in the luck department before Manny showed up. One outfielder and it changed everything. Sure, you could argue that the addition of Casey Blake was a factor, as well as some moving around on defense and offense, but Manny brought the magic. His abilities enhanced those of the Dodgers. When you look at the season, his first couple games, Manny was the only Dodger showing up. But, as the weeks went on, his intensity began to spread. In post-season, it has been James Loney leading with RBIs, not Manny. Either and Kemp have grown into outstanding outfielders. The rookie, Blake DeWitt, has stepped up and been a key player in the infield. Everyone is playing stronger, and better.

God is calling me to be a Manny as a youth pastor. He wants me to go where he has called me, and start to move things and shake things up. At first, I may seem I am the only one who is pulling any weight; everyone else may just be along for the ride. But it is my job to start infecting those around me. I need to cause other people to want what I have and I need to lead for a short period of time, then step back and see what they can do. This isn’t just for me, it’s for all of us. We have all had a Manny in our life at some point. Someone who’s energy caused us to change something in ourselves, to become a better player, or a better person.

Next season, the Dodgers are most likely going to lose Manny to some other team. But I hope that the energy he brought to LA doesn’t leave with him. It is my hope that when I leave from any job, any place, that I infected people for Christ enough that they can still thrive when I am gone.

disasters.

2008-09-30T15:16:00.000-07:00

It’s hard to see what’s going on around the world and not react; some reaction is obviously felt. Whether you feel anger towards the stupid people making stupid decisions, or you feel compassion for the hurting people of the world, you have a reaction to the world around you. Being the optimist I am, I tend to feel compassion for people. I want to reach out and help everyone, but currently I have $6 in my checking account. So I sit and think, “How will my $6 do much of anything?” Its not the money that I have in my possession that is going to help people, it’s the love in my heart for a God who can work miracles. I know that through prayer and sacrifice of what little I have, God will show up and deal out like he always does. I cannot give up on my end if I expect God to hold out on his end. I know that God doesn’t do the whole bargaining thing, but there are two sides to the equation, and they have to be balanced. We cannot expect a life-long commitment from God if we aren’t willing to do the same.

But, I digress. God is the answer to troubling times. People, however, often ask God where He is when bad things happen and when disaster strikes, but God is asking us the very same question…

technology can't hold me down...

2008-09-23T14:02:00.000-07:00

With all the technologies that surround us everyday, it is hard to get a moment of silence in daily to really talk to God. We have text messaging, blogs, television, MySpace, Facebook, all sorts of things that are distracting to our focus on God. I am in the boat with all of you, and I’ve been examining my life and where I can “cut out the fat,” so to speak. I am reading a 90-Day devotional by Rebecca St. James, and she touched on this issue in the one I read last night. It has really begun to be something I have consumed even more of my time with…thinking about it instead of just doing it. My OCD is that I tend to think too much about the things you should just act upon, and not think enough about the important things that need a little more reflection.

I really need to just start simplifying life a little bit. I need to only turn on the TV when there is a show that I want to watch, instead of turning on the TV and flipping around until I find something that is decent enough to spend my time watching. If I don’t go in with a plan, I will still be in the same spot 3 hours later, completely bored and un-entertained, and no where near being closer to what God has in store for me. I need to start taking the initiative; there is no one to blame here but myself. I’m sure that you all have similar problems to me, what are you doing to take over your time constraints and not have them take over you?

learning. growing. changing.

2008-09-18T11:41:00.000-07:00

I’ve been going through a lot of learning experiences lately. I just started back to school on Monday, and that is ALWAYS a learning experience. Not only in the classroom, but in the study rooms with friends learning about their lives, in the bookstore learning that it is the worst place on earth, parking and learning where you can park at any given time of day, and walking around campus learning about different people and different clubs. I am also learning daily about youth ministry. Last night I ran my first night of theme nights. Kelly was supposed to be out of town, so I planned everything. He ended up coming back early enough, but still let me stay in charge. It was fun to get to be youth pastor, if only for a day. I am really getting a feel for what it takes, and I love my pseudo internship. =)

I have also been learning a lot about friends. I’ve learned which ones I can talk to about anything, which ones I have to give limited access to, and which ones I’m going to have to start denying most of the time. It’s always hard to see a friend go, but I am trying to be nice to everyone and only spend time with the people who I feel are helping me achieve my goals in this thing we call life. I’ve also learned that there are some friends worth fighting with, and fighting for because they bring so much value to your daily experiences. I love all my friends, and I am so happy for the people God saw fit to put into my life.

I am learning, also, from reading some other blogs. If you have yet to check out the list of blogs I read daily, you should. These people’s insight into the world around them is yet another thing that helps to push me forward in my walk. Seeing their struggles, their dreams, their lives unfold on the page gives me comfort in knowing that I am not the only one. I also have become very supportive of two particular non-profits. If you don’t know anything about Invisible Children or To Write Love On Her Arms you should check out their websites. Both are completely different, but equally worthy causes. God has given me a heart of compassion, one that breaks for hurting youth of the world.

My challenge to you is to listen inward. See what God is breaking your heart for, and go after it. When you are in the place God wants you to be, you will be the happiest you can be in this short life we spend here on the planet Earth…promise.

goodbye summer.

2008-09-12T10:32:00.000-07:00

This is by far my favorite time of year. The summer is going fast, with it taking the hot weather and vacations, only leaving behind the memories. Taking summer’s place is fall. I absolutely love the fall. With fall comes much better weather; chilly mornings and evenings, warm days that sometimes turn cool and require a light sweater. Fall means many Wildcat football games in Martin Memorial Stadium and in various other locations through Kern County. It also means the end of MLB season and the beginning of NCAA and NFL football: say goodbye to the Dodgers, and hello to the Trojans and the Chargers. For the Hooker Clan, fall brings all our birthdays – almost literally. Birthdays in our family means many family dinners which are always surprising, to say the very least. I also like the fall because school starts and youth group begins to grow deeper after all the summer outings.

Wow, fall is unbelievable. I am so happy for all the football, band competitions, birthdays, youth group times. Bring it on fall, I am SO ready for you…

walking the line...

2008-09-09T14:34:00.000-07:00

The future is something that seems so distant, why even think about it? On the flip side, if you do not think about the future, your goals and dreams, you will never reach your fullest potential. This is where you walk the fine line between “living in the moment” and “thinking about the future.” I’m trying to walk this line, but I keep falling to one side or the other. One day I will be living totally for the moment, and the next I will be stressing out major about what is going to happen in the coming months. Where will I work following graduation? How will I save the money that I need to go to Zimbabwe? But, I need to learn the art of walking the line.

I, we, need to live for the moment, make the most of today and the time we are given in this present situation. Also, we must realize what it is we want out of the future, so we know what we need to accomplish today to get there. The Bible tells us in Matthew 6:34 that we need not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have worries of its very own, but we need to live and make it through today. In fact, all of chapter six in Matthew discusses how to live in the moment, no wonder I love Matthew so much.

Life is a balancing act. I feel like the tight rope walker at the circus, one slip and I will plummet to one side or the other. But you know how they carry an umbrella with them to help keep them balanced? I feel like I’ve been trying to walk the line without my umbrella, without God. Once I learned of my calling from God, I feel like I told him, “I got it from here, no need for you to interfere.” But isn’t that the point? Don’t we need God in all things? Are you using God as the steering wheel of your life, allowing him to guide you in all things? Or are you using him as your spare tire, only using him in extreme situations?

We all must walk the line. We all must find our way. The rain is sure to fall down on you sometime. The only way to stay on the path, and stay dry, is to not forget your umbrella.

a true friend...

2008-09-08T13:47:00.000-07:00

a true friend…

can make you laugh when you feel like crying.
can brighten your day with just one thoughtful act.
will drop plans to help you through a rough time.
will always be there when the world turns its back on you.
can handle your deepest secret with the greatest care.
can understand you even when you don’t make any sense.
will listen to you rant and rave no matter how long.
will answer the phone at three in the morning if they see its you.
accepts your bad qualities and brings out the good ones.

a true friend is the person you want to spend free time with because you know they will be ok with doing random, spontaneous things with you.

how did i get so lucky.
i definitely have more than my share of true friends.
and hopefully i fulfill all of these to them, too.

small town.

2008-09-05T09:25:00.000-07:00

Tonight is the first TUHS home football game of the 2008 season. I know that I have to get there during the JV game, or sit with the band, because there is no other way I will have a seat in the stands. I guess there really isn't a bother though, because everyone in Taft has their own seats, where they and their family sit every year. There is just something about small towns that rallies us around our high school sports teams. Even though I have moved away, I live close enough that I would not miss this event for anything. In fact, one of my closest friends is having her birthday party tonight, and I am missing most of it to be with my home town in the crowd to cheer on the Wildcats.

I am looking forward to many rituals that come with these home games. The "Cat Scratch Fever" kick-off song; every person on their feet for extra points after every touchdown while the band plays the fight song. Gary Reene and Greg Davis announcing all the play-by-play action from the press box. The amazing Tri-Tip sandwiches and Frito Boats from the snack bar. The rivalry between the cheerleaders and band...how fast can the band play "The Indian Song" and the cheerleaders still keep up with their dancing?! And, of course, the ending of the game with the Alma Matar. Also, being that I am a alumnus of the TUHS Marching Wildcat Band, I live for half-time and the field show. Tonight is extra special due to the memorial black arm sashes that the band will be wearing for my uncle who passed away last week.

Oh, small towns and high school football. Nothing is better...

“Life’s a War. Seek and Save” – Joel Christian Yeary

2008-09-03T11:07:00.001-07:00

As many times as I have seen this quote on Joel’s myspace, yesterday was the first day that I fully began to understand the deeper meaning behind it. Joel is one of the worship leaders at my church, and his dad is our senior pastor. He is one of the coolest people to talk to about faith, life, and other random things. When I took all of this into my thinking process, and read the quote again, I finally got it. In this life, we are faced with challenges. Some are big and can get us killed, others leave us wounded unable to carry on. As Christian’s, we need to help the injured. We need to seek them out and save them from their abrasions and brokenness. More often then not, seeking out the wounded means leaving our comfort zone and going to the trenches where they lay. I know that it is hard for people to leave their comfort zone because when you get out in the world, you become vulnerable to attacks from the enemy. But, we must remember, that we are under the protection of the greatest armor ever created, the armor of God. It is our spiritual beings that need to be taken care of, and God has that under control. We just need to lay the pride and selfishness (what all sins and falls ultimately boil down to) aside and “Seek and Save” in the battlefield of life…

a little bit of "get to know me" for this entry...

2008-09-02T15:46:00.000-07:00

Things you are afraid of: failing. dolphins. losing a friend because of something i did. missing out on the plan God has for me. losing sight of who i really am, even if just for a second.

Things that make you laugh: playing taboo far too late at night. playing any game with the people of EPIC. inside jokes. big sunglasses. silly pictures. looking back at pictures of random times with friends. jumping rope. bandanas. jeffrey doyle’s insane sarcasm. walking in the rain with sarah ashley.

Things that make you cry: for sad reasons – death. coming to the conclusion that i didn’t do something to my full potential. getting hurt (both physically and emotionally). for good reasons – God. seeing Him work in young people. seeing something i have wanted for so long become a reality. realizing that at the end of the day, God still loves me: no more, no less.

Things you love: God. family. baby brothers. cousins. best friends. EPIC uth. worship. interning at the church. living with my family. long talks with savy driving around in my car. running through the sprinklers. late nights with friends. spontaneous worship with christian, chrisopher, and savy in my kitchen. texting. watching God work in young people. ice blocking. the Dodgers. USC football. TUHS home football games. fall. tattoos. taking pictures. road trips, especially ones to visit friends.

Things you hate: wearing real shoes. people backing out or flaking out. fake people. saying goodbye to people i am close to.

Things you don't understand: how people can listen to music and not respond in some way. how people can sit at church during worship or a sermon and not pay attention. why people come to church if that’s all they are going to do. calculus. greek, but not for long.

Things you're good at: leading. music. talking. having compassion for the lost. taking direction. learning from my mistakes. creating crafts. taking pictures. smiling. laughing.

Things you suck at: knowing when i am wrong. driving. being able to disconnect from a situation. handing over things when it becomes overbearing.

Right now you are: sitting at work. completely happy with where God has brought me. sad the summer is over. happy to be opening a new chapter with amazing new friends. glad God, and Brimhall, allows me to serve as a leader for EPIC.

Twelve facts about you:

i have had at least one x-ray on every part of my body.
i share a room with a rabbit. his name is Malt.
my baby brother is my best friend. and he is also over a foot taller than me.
i moved only once before turning 18. since, i have moved 5 more times.
without God, i have no reason to live.
i will be going to Zimbabwe next summer.
praying with christian matthew lucas changed my life at summer camp oh-eight.
i have one real brother, two step-sisters, three step-brothers, and two nephews, one niece.
i am closer to my paternal cousins then most people are to their siblings.
i could listen to any type of music. i love them all.
i am in my last year at cal state bakes.
ministry tour oh-eight was possibly the greatest trip of my life.